Query Critique 76

Dear Agent Awesome

RIVER SPELL is a 92K word young adult fantasy based on the Russian legends of the Rusalka. Like THE GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS, my novel shows one girl’s struggle not only against supernatural powers, but against peoples’ perceptions of who she is. RIVER SPELL will also appeal to readers of Shannon Hale and Jessica Day George. Leave your title in all caps, but put comparative titles in italics.

Seventeen year old Arresa is determined not to be a figure head in her political marriage, even if it means being a public figure instead of hiding from her problems.

Just as she settles into life at the palace, Arresa is sidetracked by dreams of a woman made of water, and by her attentive betrothed, Prince Sergei.  His actions seem connected to the woman in her dreams and, as his behavior becomes increasingly erratic, everyone blames the new girl. When he no longer shows any desire to be the next king the nobles begin to make a move on the throne. I’d maybe like a little bit more information about the water spirit. In particular, I’m interested in how the water spirit is connected to Sergei. You have the beginnings of a really strong conflict. Just flesh it out a bit.

Rejected by her prince,  Arresa must step into the spotlight, break the water spirit’s spell and free the prince she’s learned to love before she is driven from the country, and a civil war tears her people apartGood stakes.

Currently a stay at home mom of three, I graduated from BYU with a BA in comparative literature. For the last five years I have been active in the CompuServe Books and Writers Community where I conducted a monthly goals thread (2011-2012). I have been blogging for 4 years and recently started dipping my toes in the twitter stream.   Capitalize Twitter.

Your time and consideration are greatly appreciated.