Query Critique 75

Seventeen-year-old Elizabeth Winters may be a witch, but she doesn’t know the first thing about magic. Overall, I think this is a pretty good hook. I really like that the story takes place in Salem, and I would try to work that into the hook, if you could. Otherwise, I don’t have too much to say about the synopsis portion of the query. It’s looking pretty sharp!

Her father, a wizard himself, has forbidden the use of her powers for her own protection. But when accusations of witchcraft start flying through Salem Village, Elizabeth wishes she was more prepared.

Despite her lack of magical knowledge, Elizabeth appoints herself to save innocent women from the untimely demise the village has in store for them. Elizabeth finds, however, that she is not the hero Salem needs her to be. When Elizabeth is betrayed by Sabastian Giles, the boy she has always fancied, she loses control of her emotions and unintentionally curses the village with the ten plagues of Egypt. Now, Elizabeth must figure out how to break the curse before the morning of the tenth plague—the plague of death. If she fails, Salem will cease to exist.

Bio: I currently reside in Logan, Utah where I strive to balance my love of writing with raising a husband and two kids. My short story, The Quake, was recently published in the Wells Street Journal, a publication distributed by the University of Westminster.

DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND is YA Historical Fantasy complete at 66,000 words. Using many characters from the original trial proceedings, it brings a new and exciting spin to an age-old story. The Salem witch trials have always been a topic that has remained mysterious and compelling. When you add the additional elements of real witches, curses, and betrayal to the mix, it raises the excitement and terror of the trials to a whole new level. I would switch this paragraph and the last paragraph around, just for a slightly more logically flow.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Sincerely,

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