Query Critique 52

Dear [agent name here],

September 28th, 2013 is just a normal day for most people. And for Grace Kincaid, it would seem to be just that— normal. She has coffee, takes a shower, and goes to work as she usually does. But in the evening, she sits in her bedroom and cries for the first time in nearly a year. You see, September 28th, 2013 marks the 364th day since Grace’s husband died in Afghanistan. This is what the hook needs to talk about. It takes way too long to get to anything specific about the conflict of the story. Also, the “you see” part reads a little awkward to me. It’s also the day her life will change for the better. This last sentence is also sort of vague. I want to know what exactly happens that causes such a turn around.

There are bumps on the road to recovery, of course. Again, this sentence is sort of vague and doesn’t do much to develop the plot. Grace will discover that she’s infertile. Two of her sons will be murdered in a brutal school shooting. But when she finds the woman of her dreams, and her daughter (assigned male at birth) comes out as transgender, Grace will remember what’s really important in the world—her family, her friends, and her happiness. These are all interesting things, but I’d like to see them tied together. I also want to get more of a sense of stakes. She has all these things that happen to her, but how do they really affect her? What does she still stand to lose? Why do we need to continue worrying about her? The query is pretty short, so you have room to develop something.

DAY 364 is a completed novel of 75,000 words. It is aimed toward adult readers, and is entirely fictional. Unless otherwise specified, we tend to assume that it’s an adult book. I’d also maybe call it contemporary fiction.

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely,

Road to Healing

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