Query Critique 33

I commented in purple cause the main character is very manly… And I was too lazy to change away from purple after I chose it.


Life as a clone of Alexander the Great is just one big Gordian Knot. I started out really excited about this hook, because clone of Alexander the Great is really cool. But then it sort of lost me because I have no idea what a Gordian Knot is. I looked it up, and now I know it’s a thing. Maybe it’s something people should have heard of, but I hadn’t.
In near future England, Alexander 2.0 has been fighting his impulses since a childhood head injury roused his ancient memories. His warrior side wants to eviscerate anyone who crosses him. His domesticated side keeps a tight rein on his urges for the sake of his medical career and family.
But the normalcy Alexander longs for starts to slip away after he protects the son of a dangerous, drug-dealing acquaintance. He threatens to expose the illegal activities, and the dealer tries to silence him. Is he and him in this paragraph referring to Alexander or the drug dealing son? Alexander nearly loses his wife and infant children, and he ends up in the hospital with a bullet in his chest. When he awakens, so does a bloodlust of epic proportions. His fury only deepens when he learns his assailant has evaded police and disappeared.
With his peaceful world spiraling beyond his control, Alexander can no longer suppress the impulses that dominated his ancient life. Now the greatest danger he faces isn’t battling a psychopath. It’s keeping his thirst for revenge from turning him into one.

Complete at 119,000 words, THE SANDS OF HIS EMPIRE is speculative fiction with a historical twist and series potential. Any comparative titles? I read Jasper Fforde’s The Eyer Affair recently, and that has some sort of similar elements. Thank you for your time and consideration.


Awesome Author 2.0

Some sort of general questions I have. I’m not sure how many of them you can address in the query, but decide which might be important to talk about. The more you can compress what you have (without making it confusing of course) the more of this you can address.

Does Alexander know he’s a clone?

Does he know who cloned him? 

Is cloning common?

Are there clones of other famous people?



6 thoughts on “Query Critique 33

    • Maybe a little bit, but not overwhelmingly. I usually expect about two solid paragraphs of plot details. This has three, but two of them aren’t very long.

  1. Thank you so much for your assistance with my oddball, troublesome query. You were able to push me in the right direction, and my query is so much better for it. (Big Hug!) 🙂

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