Query Critique 24

The author of this query mentioned that she would love any additional comments readers have, so feel free to leave some in the comments!

Dear Ms. (Agent name):

In RATMAN’S REVENGE, my middle grade urban fantasy with a paranormal twist, Maybe it’s just me, but I think all fantasy has a paranormal twist. eleven-year-old Cody searches for the missing people in an underground city and finds a giant rat with paranormal powers. What sort of paranormal powers? Now Cody’s got some exterminating to do.

Cody is fed up with feeling left-out by his too-busy-to-care divorced parents. Just a heads up, I see a lot of too-busy divorced parents. When he ventures into the woods for the first time, he discovers a tunnel leading to a city hidden underground with crystal caves, slugs-and-bugs soup, and new friends with awesome abilities like reading minds and seeing visions.

Best. Home. EVER. This line has good voice.

But Cody’s adventures take a pants-wetting turn when the Detectors, the people who protect the city, start disappearing. Without their warnings, the city could get I’d say be instead of get blind-sided by earthquakes, floods, or invasions by deadly beasts. The city’s leaders use their psychic abilities and discover someone is controlling the minds of the Detectors, but the leaders have no idea who or why.

Cody isn’t about to let his new home come crashing down around him, but every time he tries to help, a mutant, man-sized rat attacks him. Ratman roasts Cody with a hot crystal, pushes him down the Devil’s Mouth hole, and tries to drown him in the river. This last bit is a little confusing, since it references things I don’t really know about.

But Cody can’t stop. His clues point to Ratman as the one controlling the Detectors. And since Cody is the only one who sees the giant rat, no one else believes the freaky fur-face even exists. I’d maybe mention sooner that only cody can see him. It’s up to Cody to save the Detectors and the city from whatever this whiskered weirdo is plotting before Ratman’s next attack actually kills him.

RATMAN’S REVENGE is complete at 76,000 words and may appeal to readers of Brandon Mull’s Fablehaven and Jeanne DuPrau’s The City of Ember. Good comparison titles. I am enclosing the first fifty pages as an attachment per your guidelines.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best regards,

Underground Author


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