Query Critique 23

Dear Mr./Mrs….

Most people believe that Luna Nimue is a normal girl just like any other ten-year-old Irish girl in the twenty-first century. However, she knows better: She is a witch. Don’t tell me she’s normal. Jump straight to her being a witch. Read why in this post.

After Luna’s parents were abducted, together with all other wizards and witches of Ireland, she was placed in Clare Abbey to grow up to become a nun. She must hide from the person who kidnapped her parents and at the same time discover her powers. So she doesn’t know she has powers. Does she know she is supposed to be hiding from somebody? If she’s living in complete ignorance of what’s going on around her, she needs an inciting incident to transport her into the world of magic. Since Luna is the only witch in the monastery apart from one of the older nuns, she has to use her own means including time travel and the transformation into an animal to aid the monastery by saving the holy water and reviving the old school building. Luna’s greatest wish is to converse with the moon and to find out where her parents might be. But most importantly, she needs to pretend to be an ordinary child. This part could be smoothed out with some cleaner transitions. The jump from time travel to talking to the moon was a little jarring to me.

THE MOON WHISPER – AND THE CELESTIAL FRIEND is a Children’s novel/Fantasy I would say a fantasy middle grade. Middle grade is more specific than “children’s.” completed at 51,000 words and the first book in a small series. This is my first fictional book, and it is my first time seeking a fiction literary agent. No need to state that it’s your first time searching for an agent.

Thanks for your time and consideration.


Bella Luna

Awhile back I did a post about how pitching fantasy is hard. I mentioned that when pitching fantasy, it’s important to focus on the thing that is most unique about your fantasy. I’d reiterate that here.  It is very important, and very difficult, to set yourself apart from other fantasy writers.


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